MY EXPERIENCE WITH MODAFINIL

1. The reason

As long as I can remember I’ve always been all about doing whatever it takes when it comes to reaching peak levels of performance in everything I do.

This actually is the most important reason why I keep the exact diet and lifestyle habits.

Getting myself in the right state of mind and condition, or in other words preparing me for specific goal or project are things I often value as even more important than doing the actual work.

Building my best physique and staying in great shape year around are definitely priorities of mine, but the idea to supercharge my brain is even more exciting to me.

Improving my ability to stay focused and concentrated on my daily tasks while feeling awesome during the course of the day are things I will probably always see as extremely appealing.

This is why I fell in love with coffee when I was in 3rd grade and ever since then we are always together.

Back in 2014 while doing some researches I recently noticed quite a lot of very successful people such as writers, entrepreneurs and even silicon valley CEOs often openly share they are users of a drug called Modafinil.

They claim the substance makes them sharper, more alert, productive, driven and even inspired.

Same people also not only state the substance helps them breakthrough what is often called writer’s block, but also believe it makes them capable to always do the right thing at the right time.

When on the drug, they see endless possibilities and opportunities others don’t and connect virtually invisible for the minds of average people dots.

They claim their brains work on full capacity and they have access to information not usually available.
Somehow the usage of the drug makes them able to see the details others don’t.

Most common reference I saw was the one with NZT48 pill from the movie with Bradley Cooper called “Limitless”. For many Modafinil seem to be something like real life NZT48.

I am fan of Sci-Fi, Cyber punk and mostly street culture related movies, but because of the reference those people make I ultimately watched Limitless.

So, all of that sounds very appealing, right?

Of course, but even till this moment was still pretty skeptic about it and honestly looked on it as some form of a joke.

I am not into drugs and after the end of 2013 I barely use supplements, so my first reaction was to not take it seriously and I more or less neglect the subject.

Probably because of the popularity gaining movement called Biohacking and its tiny connections with the Paleo, Keto and even Fasting communities, in the period between the middle of 2014 and the end of 2015 more and more often I started seeing some very prosperous people credit the use of Modafinil for their success.

I was still not interested, but lately something grabbed my attention.

I noticed almost all of the people I’ve mentioned, were also followers of mostly paleo/hflc diets, sleep reduction protocols and proponents of the consumption of high quality coffee beans.

This time my brain connected some dots and my inner voice clearly pointed me that those were the same exact things which improved every single aspect of my life and personality.

That really made me take a look on the subject from different perspective.

I developed an idea Modafinil may be my next step towards optimization.

I felt like till this point I was narrow minded, because for quite a while I’ve neglected and maybe even underestimated all of the benefits this medicine was able to provide.

I though it was time to open my eyes, and start paying attention to what all of those people say, because it obviously seemed like the drug had the potential to become the next powerful tool in my kit.

At this stage of my life after almost 2 years in the state of ketosis, I just started eating one meal per day successfully.
My mixtape was released and without any difficulties I was finishing my album, filming/editing some music videos while training twice a day and doing plenty of experiments with certain polyphasic sleep protocols.

During the same period I also got my 1st international certificate as a trainer for a bit less than half of the time given for it.

I was pretty happy with the way I was able to perform, in everything I was engaged.

The only problem was the fact that some of the sleep experiments left me a bit sleepy for few weeks in a row.

This helped me to find out that having multiple naps in the course of the day is definitely not my thing. Or at least not in long term.

I started searching for an optimal solution which would allow me to reduce the quantity of my sleep while either increase or at least maintain its quality.

Simultaneously with all of the mentioned, I was often hearing the name of the substance I am talking about and ultimately things reached a point where I became quite interested in learning more about the different applications of this powerful compound.

As time has passed, my interest turned into strictly dedicated to the drug research.

This allowed me to collect plenty of information and analyze solid number of opinions and many different experiences of others.

I carefully learned about its properties and of course all of the potential side effects and benefits.

I was amazed by the fact the drug was not just commonly used by exceptionally remarkable performers such as best selling authors, but also by world class athletes, military pilots and even astronauts.

I found it became replacement for some other a lot heavier and more harmful substances previously used on space missions.

So what is Modafinil ?

Modafinil is originally designed as a drug to threat things such as narcolepsy, night shift workers disorder, sleep apnea, ADHD and others.

It is most commonly known under the name Provigil – 200 mg tabs.

All over the globe it may be available under other names because of the different brands, but its generic name is Modafinil.

Dosages vary between 200 mg – 400 mg.

The drug is classified as wakefulness promoting agent – eugeroic (nootropic – Smart drug).

It promotes alertness and improves cognition.

Similar to other drugs from the same class Modafinil increases neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine.

It is a prescription only.

So what ?

Ultimately I took a decision to give it a try.

I went to every possible drug store or pharmacy in my neighborhood and asked for it, but it seemed like Modafinil was more than extremely rare and unknown. All of the pharmacists were totally unaware the drug even existed.

2. Destiny

2015’s Christmas came.

Every year on certain days during the holidays my favorite gym (the one where I got membership) is usually closed.

In order to not skip any workouts during that time I typically visit an underground gym based in a neighborhood close to mine. 2015 was not exception, so I followed the same routine.

After I had a workout on one of the days around 2015’s New Year’s Eve I accidentally noticed it was a drug store placed almost next to that gym.

Even though I was almost 100% sure person or people inside had absolutely no idea about the thing I was searching for, something made me give it a shot.

I was right, surprised the lady told me she heard the name for the first time. I went out of the place, but all of the sudden she stopped me and said the drug was available in the pharmacy’s warehouse. Pharmacist asked if I was interested to purchase?

She also shared that after it has been placed, typically it takes not more than 8 hours for an order to arrive in the store and mentioned the medicine requires prescription.

Excited I told to myself:
“Looks like it was meant to be…”

Since the name of the drug is different, to make sure I was buying the exact same thing I downloaded a list with all of its ingredients from FDA page and then carefully compared them to the ones in the list I got from the local drug agency (Mg per tab, Inactive or active ingredients, side effects, properties and dosages).

Once I became sure both drugs were the same, I went to my doctor and told her I had some sleep issues, such as sleepiness during the mid portion of the day.

I suggested Modafinil and asked for a prescription. Besides this I also checked with a neurologist.

It may sound creepy, but while walking to the drug store some of the Tim Ferris’s words I previously heard in his London Real Interview were popping into my head over and over again:

“There is no free lunch. It is extremely powerful, so prep yourself to pay the price …”

I gave her the money and this time an older, probably more experienced and better informed lady pharmacist warned about some eventual unwanted consequences.

First she asked:

“Do you know it is used for jet fighter pilots and other military aircraft missions?”

Than she said:

“It is made to work now, later some side effects might occur. So be prepared to pay the price…”

I though both of them had in mind that awful migraine, everybody on the internet was talking about.
The one I actually hardly experienced once…

Finally I bought it – 30 tablets X 100 mg –100 mg – Modafinil. (active ingredient – Modafinil.)

3. Experience

On a sunny day around 11am, after one workout, no coffee and more than 16 hour fast I popped less than one tab (around 50 mg).

I strategically skipped my coffee, because I wanted to avoid any potential overstimulation and also feel the actual effects of the Modafinil itself.

The usage of Modafinil and caffeine together massively increases both of their effects. It was my first time, so I wanted to avoid this, because I was not aware what was going to happen.

Since back then I was not familiar with what the pill cutter was, I took a bite from one of the tablets.

I noticed it had not a pleasant, but definitely specific kind of taste.

I took less than the recommended dosages, because I knew ketosis, the longer fast and my workout are all things which improve sensitivity dramatically, but their combination actually brings everything to a whole different level.

The first 15 minutes I did not experienced anything…

Knowing I would need water for the effect to kick in, I drank some more and suddenly noticed I was extremely concentrated on whatever my attention was focused.

Everything got sharper and brighter. My mouth became so dry. Dry as the skin of my body.

I was on my turntables recording some scratches for a track in my album and all of the sudden I felt like seeing everything in some deep details.

Details I never though about, because I never noticed before.

Somehow I became remarkably well informed for all the parts and components of the objects I was looking at.

Because I was performing at the studio, my eyes were mostly on the cartridge of one of my turntables.
Seeing exactly how the thing was built from the inside out, I was blown away…

Having deep understanding for all the wires, cables, connections and parts, my brain was deconstructing everything at very fast paced.

The more I kept my attention on something the more details were presented in my mind. A deep sense of euphoria was rising and blending with the flow of my thoughts.

My focus was getting sharper and stronger. I was sucked in a wormhole of information and ultimately it became almost unnaturally for me to switch the focus of my attention.

Since for quite a while it was on the cartridges, I felt I know the exact materials used in the making of their parts. Like a real witness of the whole production process.

Have you ever wondered how certain products are made ?
Why they look the way they look design and style wise ?

Imagine a very detailed instructional documentary which includes plenty of explications and some authentic footage from the factory itself.

The content shows every step of the building process from multiple camera views (reshaping, cutting, assembling parts and etc). A lot like providing all data for the history of specific thing.

Now imagine you remember this film clearly, but you never watched it.

When I looked at the “final product“ i.e. the turntable cartridge – parts of this documentary were appearing in my head.

Knowing why the things are the way they are, I had perfect idea how the tonearms of my turntables look from their inside out and the exact reasons for this.

My mind was inside the things, but this was just the beginning…

I continued with my recording session and instantly noticed I had completely different level of understanding for all the movements of both of my hands.

While performing the techniques my brain was reverse engineering each and every one of them.

My mind became opened for plenty new variations and ways to do the same techniques.

It was inside my hands, the fader and the sounds I was using, so I was observing all of the record and fader movements from every possible angle. That allowed me to notice and immediately fix every single imperfection.

I felt how the exact combinations of fader clicks and record hand movements were affecting the sound. Almost like knowing how the sound felt itself during the process of its transformation. I would call this “empathy” for the sound.

Can you imagine what is to have supercharged 6th sense for all of the details of something.

Well, this was pretty similar, but also remarkably stronger.

I was experiencing an enormous informational overload and my brain was not only absorbing like a sponge, but also effortlessly applying everything learned and they were both happening simultaneously.

I had a full access to every single detail of my musical performance.

My own thoughts were blocking all the distractions and pulling me even more towards the final point – completing the mission i.e. finishing the track.

As I listened to the track without the scratching, I immediately figured out the perfect combinations for it and the fastest way to record them in not more than 2 to 3 takes.

I also found they could be 2 to 3 options/possibilities for perfection, but only one would sound as best in my head.

Essentially I also knew which was the exact scenario and the quickest way to turn it into reality.

Everything was moving fast and I was moving with it while my mind was penetrating into the deepest essence of the things.

All I had to do was to take action and believe it or not I couldn’t stop. It was an execution without break type of thing.

For less than 10 minutes I figured out why beat juggling was not a strong point of mine. In the next 10 I already new what I had to do in order to change this.

Then I looked in the mirror…

Everything seemed to be the same, but something kept my gaze for fairly prolonged moment.

Suddenly I felt the table with all of the equipment, the wall behind me and the mirror frame were different layers in something like photoshop project.

No, there were absolutely no visual projections nor hallucinations, just abundance of specific and unique in a way feels and thoughts.

I also noticed I was uncommonly anxious, but because I was totally sucked into what I was doing, I completely ignored it.

My mind was vibrating with everything my attention was on. I was in the middle of a strong flow of thoughts while at the same time creating it. Everything was so intense.

Another way to describe this is to say I was experiencing waves of extremely bright and clear mixture of thoughts and emotions. To be more exact it was 70/30 ratio.

With every next wave I was reaching higher levels of clarity in the manner of gradually cyclical progression.

Please understand there were absolutely no physical feels whatsoever!

I guess this is my way to explain what the biohackers call the “Mental Rush”. I was almost able to feel and even taste my own thoughts.

No, I never tasted them, but I felt that type of way.
Interpret this however you want.

Typically it is so natural for me to always analyze everything I do, but this time I was doing it from a bit more angles and perspectives.

After the 2 phone calls I had, I felt my brain was running way too fast to even think about talking with people. I was most definitely enhanced.

The only physical effects I’ve experienced were few heavy heart palpitations during the 1st hour and some really dry mouth during the first 3.

Truth to be told both of them scared me to death. Both of them I felt extremely sharp.

The first one reminded me why avoiding the combination of Modafinil and coffee at least during the first 3 to 4 hours after taking the drug was definitely a right decision of mine.

Yes, I drank water, plenty of water actually.

I always make sure I stay properly hydrated, it is part of my day, but the amounts of water Modafinil can make me drink are fairly unusual to me (above 2 gallons).

After around 5 hours it started to fade away.
I wanted to bring it back and I knew how to do it, so cautiously had few sips of coffee and a little bit more water.

After a minute Modafinil hit me again and it lasted for 3 more hours.

On this day I recorded everything needed to finish the whole track and I began editing.

Keep in mind since it was my first time the priority was not getting enormous amounts of work done, but rather do plenty of self observations, develop an idea for the way Modafinil works, how my body responds and if possible conclude is there any place for it in my life.

I always prefer to firstly become aware of the do’s and don’ts of something and then take advantage by putting it in good use.

This is how I became really good with staying in ketosis, eating one meal a day and sleeping for not more than 6 hours in 80% of the time, so what makes this different?

Around 8pm it started to gently fade away.

As long as for the comedown there was no any real withdraw, I simply noticed gradual decrease in the effects, but it was in cyclical manner again.

More than happy with the results I had, I decided to prepare me a dinner, eat and go to bed.

With a warm smile and probably some sparkles in my eyes the last thought I had in mind before I fell asleep this night was:

“Hmm… Maybe we can stay together for a while.”

On the next day …

I woke up with a little bit of head ache but overall I felt like million bucks. That was the only time I ever had this side effect.

I said to myself:

“ If this is the price, for everything I’ve experienced yesterday then I am willing to pay it without a single drop of doubt.”

I brewed me a french press and headed to the gym.
It was a sunny winter day, I felt great and everything was perfect.

I began an arm routine. As usual moderate to light weights, insane intensity and stupid amount of volume. Biceps, triceps super sets with no rest.

Typically that type of training always elevates my heart rate and everything is fine but this time my body responded differently.

While moving from the dumbbell rack to the cross over I suddenly felt a wave of massive anxiety. It was extremely strong and to put it mildly, it had that heavy “in the face” type of effect. I hope you know what I am talking about.

It went from 0 to 100 real quick.

I felt like something really horrible was about to happen, so I immediately stopped to take some rest, but it did not helped.

Anxiety was getting stronger. I felt something terrible was jeopardizing my health but I didn’t know what and why…
After 15 minutes it started to fade away.

This was something really unusual. It made me feel pretty weird and uncomfortable, but ultimately decided to ignore it and move forward.

Later on the same day I went to the grocery store in one of the local malls. Going to the place by walk I was not alone.

When the lights turned green we were about to cross the street and virtually enter the mall when suddenly the same uncommon feel of anxiety took me again.

This time slightly weaker and definitely not that long lasting, it was still more than extremely unpleasant.

So what happened next ?

Even though they occurred on the next day after I took it, I denied to believe and accept that maybe the drug had something to do with those painful anxiety rushes.

So in order to really give it a try I took a decision to experiment with it some more.

Since Modafinil has very long half life, at least 12 to 15 hours, for around month and half I took it 3 to 4 times per week – (50 to 60 mg sometimes even 30 to 40 mg).

I was virtually on it during the whole time.

In this period I’ve tried all types of food combinations and diets. I switched many high quality organic types of coffee. I even tried to sleep more.

Because I really liked what I’ve experienced and thought the negative effects were mostly caused by its interference with certain foods. I was truly determined to make it work.

I believe Modafinil is amazing. It is really strong and its combination with coffee is the most powerful thing I ever tried, but there is a price I am not willing to pay.

Since I got familiar with the way it works and how my body responds to it, to certain extend I feel I discovered my own way of using it.

While big percentage of the healthy individuals use it as a stimulant to kick ass during longer periods, I rather look on it as a tool which helped me see some hidden details in particular things, tasks, situations and my life in general.

In other words I believe it allowed me to observe the bigger picture from many angles and perspectives.

Please do not get me wrong!

I do believe Modafinil is a killer for achieving goals and getting stuff done, but based on everything I’ve experienced for the time I’ve used it, more likely I define those effects as additional benefits to something more important.

The drug is more than handy for completion of daily or even weekly to do lists, but this is definitely not the reason why I am thankful I’ve used it.

For the period of my use it showed me the exact things and areas in my life which I needed to either improve, change or even replace. I actually did not expect this to happen.

It clearly pointed me the things drowning my energy and killing my excitement and satisfaction:

It was about time to stop tearing myself apart and combine everything I am passionate about into something bigger under my name.

Since I was a child I’ve always admired the ideal of the renaissance person and the Vitruvian man in particular.

Deep inside me I always knew it was the right way for me to go, but there was specific feel preventing me from taking the needed action.

Somehow I felt like I firstly needed a “permission” or “approval” from something or someone, but my use of the drug completely destroyed that false belief.

For those familiar with Napoleon Hill’s teachings I would like to say this was something similar to what Hill describes as habit of drifting. It was my way to drift in life.

Well, I guess Modafinil made me break this so called hypnotic rhythm.

I will not disagree if you say:

“ Probably it has been a placebo effect. ”

But for me it worked extremely well.

So since it is so amazing why I ultimately stopped taking it ?

3. The price

Modafinil made me developed a completely different understanding for the term anxiety.

After a week of taking it my anxiety went to the roof.
Of course I did not want to believe the drug was triggering it, so I decided to try different food combinations and some other coffee sorts, but was getting worse with every single day.

Ultimately I was getting uncommonly vulnerable every time I was leaving my neighborhood.

After the 3rd week incredibly strong feel of insecurity started taking place: this was an unexplainable desire to avoid visiting places far from home.

Every time after taking the pill the first 5 hours were beyond amazing. My mind was diving into the very essence of the things, but it was all followed by some extremely unpleasant and painful experiences. After the 3rd week that started to really piss me off.

I began to spend more time in bed, but I was barely entering the deepest phases of sleep.

On the days when I was taking it, I was not drinking that much coffee, because there was no real need nor desire for it. On the other days I really needed my coffee, but the anxiety was not allowing me to drink the desired amounts. Actually it was not allowing me to do almost anything.

Training.

Another favorite and extremely important part of my life was dramatically altered. It was not like I was not able to train nor I was getting weaker or something. I became unable to finish my sessions, because most of the time I felt like there was some real jeopardy and danger in almost every single thing I was involved in.

Not once I had an appointment to do a workout with some people (gym buddies) I really enjoy training with and all of the sudden without too much talk I had to leve the gym and making everybody feel awkward.

Why?

“Because I felt like something horrible was about to happen.”

I always strived for higher self-sufficiency but the side effects were destroying mine completely.

During this time I was filming the video for Astro track.
Many times right after getting to the spots where I wanted to shoot I had to quickly pack all of my gear and find a cab to drive me back home the fastest possible way. Alone or not alone it was making no difference.

It wasn’t a single time when I left full cart of groceries without even buying them, because I needed to immediately leave the store in order to not pass out.

I am huge lover of the local park and I always felt kind of reborn after enjoying a nice walk in it, but after the third week completely stopped visiting the place…

On one night right before going to the bed I’ve experienced something I am not really able to describe.

Same night I was at least 90% sure I was about to get something like horrible seizure or choke and then pass out. That one and few similar memories I will probably never forget.

How I felt those times was not like the way others describe regular panic attacks, but more likely a really shorter version of something which many explain as psychotic breaks.

Imagine gigantic implosion of anxiety, nervousness and fear you are about to faint or maybe even die.

Luckily it never happened. I called the pharmacist and she told me it all was caused by the drug. I knew it was on the potential side effects list, but I really did not want to accept it.

Lady advised me to immediately stop taking it. She mentioned maybe it will take some time for the anxiety to fade away entirely, because those experiences probably shocked my brain.

Then I remembered the reason why I took it:

– I wanted to become better in everything I was doing, but for a while I felt paralyzed. Not only for my craft and grind but for the life in general…

A massive feel of emptiness took over mind and daily life.

In order to change this and experience the awesome effects again I probably needed to up my dosages, but I refused to do it.

I felt less inspired and excited about everything. Later this progressed into a very unique kind of depression.

During my whole life I’ve experienced certain depressive periods, but this one was completely new to me.

It was like being sad and insensible at the same time.
Yes, it was not once when I cried my a*s off (CMAO).

No, there was absolutely no sniffing nor sobbing, just tears rolling down my face for a minute or two up to 8 or 10 times per day. (I guess I am not an alpha male).

I believe it was very rare mixture between great sadness, strong pronounced insensibility and relatively severe feel of hopelessness. All of them covered by the convictions, I was no longer moving towards turning my dreams into reality.

To some degree I felt there were holes in my mind and it was bleeding. Those conditions were often alternated with periods of not feeling literally anything.

For a while I was not able to live my life the way I am used to, so started to blame and beat myself to death.

Along with this Modafinil gave me the so called moon face effect.

4. Conclusion

Please let me clear something !

Neither the toxicity of the compound, nor this unique depression made me quit it. I was truly determined to deal with almost everything in exchange for the drug’s amazing benefits.

During the periods of depression I was still able to get stuff done, so it was really not that bad after all. I finished the artwork for my album and finally released it.

I also stepped my photo/video shooting and editing game and I finished the Astro video.

God! I always wanted to make all of them happen, but I swear:

I was not my self while I was doing it!

Feel free to take and interpret this however you want.

The anxiety on the other hand was the price I refused to pay and I believe it has the potential to completely destroy someone’s life.

For the relatively short period I’ve experienced it, anxiety massively damaged almost every aspect or mine. It ruined the quality of my days and many times prevented me from taking the needed action in order to accomplish my goals. Yes, I think the condition can make you miss some important opportunities.

In the end we are all different, and often we our bodies respond differently to the same things.

I believe I manage to do really well during the depressions, but the anxiety was huge problem. In fact it was the only real problem. For someone else the exact opposite might be true.

Who knows? In the future the scientists and drug companies may develop something new product that won’t trigger those conditions, but even then I believe relying on drugs is not sustainable in long term.

It will never be able to replace a combination well put together diet and proper sleep and workout regimens.

Just for getting stuff done for myself I do believe coffee is better.

So after all is Modafinil the real life limitless pill (NZT 48)?

No, I do not believe it is limitless pill.

In the movie Bradley Cooper’s brain practically receives all of the information about everything.

For me it was mostly like getting all of the information about a specific thing. Specially something in which I was already performing on a top level.

When on the drug, besides its work the movie character was involved in a lot of social activities such as dating and etc.

After taking it I was not able to even imagine to think about those things. They seemed way too slow and even boring for me. My mind was running way too fast. I also believe it might change you.

I am not so sure if you are familiar with the classic game Star Craft Brood War, but after the 2nd week a reference popped into my head.

If there was a stimulant pack for Terran ghosts, I believe it would be Modafinil.

So once after long day of filming and “not feeling myself”, I looked at the beautiful spring sunset and though to myself:

“ I guess now it is time to let you go…”