How to Overcome the Past
“A human being always acts, feels and performs in accordance with what he imagines to be true about himself and his environment. This is the fundamental law of mind. It is the way we are built…”
— Psycho-Cybernetics. p 36
It’s not an overstatement that most people spend their lives in perpetual hypnosis (or sleep). They accept negative ideas and constructs, remaining convinced one way or another. Rooted in past experiences, such notions get stored in the unconscious. They have the same impact as those instilled by an (actual) hypnotist, setting boundaries according to which you live.
The good news is that you are equipped with a powerful weapon for initiating a (meaningful) change. And spoiler:
- It is not your unconscious. It is your rational thinking and reasoning mind.
Conventional Wisdom
Thanks to psychoanalysis, it has been accepted that logical thinking and reasoning have no power over the unconscious. And thus, changing beliefs, emotions, and behavior is only possible by ‘digging deep’ in the latter and ‘pulling out’ memories and ‘suppressed material’.
On the contrary, Alfred Adler’s individual psychology and Maxwell Maltz’s Psycho-Cybernetics teach this is not the case.
Control Knob
The unconscious is (actually) impersonal, having no will in and of itself. It is like a machine (or program), doing its best to act according to current thoughts, beliefs, and situational interpretations, which it processes like data. So, whatever it returns is based on input.
Maltz defines conscious thinking as the “control knob” of the unconscious. And according to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s Flow:
“(…) the control of the conscious determines the quality of life…”
— Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Whatever negative patterns this machine (i.e., the unconscious) has, it developed them based on inappropriate, often unrealistic, and (plain) inaccurate conscious thinking.
entropy
Usually, such malfunctioning is caused by entropy. Particularly, haphazard events or circumstances that happened to the person when they had no control.
- This external entropy creates an internal one in the unconscious, leading to a chaotic life.
Csikszentmihalyi calls this ‘psychic entropy.’ According to Dr. John A. Schindler, “conscious thought control is the key to any change.” In his best-selling How to Live 365 Days a Year, he explains that despite the omissions and commissions of the past, one has to mature and live in the present so the future can be better.
The present and the future depend on forming new habits, understanding, and thought patterns. Said differently — on not ruminating on the past but building a new lifestyle, which we’ll discuss in a moment. According to Schindler:
“There’s simply no future in continually digging into the past…”
— Dr. John A. Schindler
According to me:
“People and things of the past Belong to the past…” — POTB
People and Things of the Past Belong to the Past
Being buried in the unconscious doesn’t give past experiences additional credit or validity. They are not something ‘special’ to dig out to initiate a (new) change, but as mentioned result from malfunctioning conscious thinking and randomness. Special is only the present moment. As Maltz says:
“The unhappiest of mortals is that man who insists on relieving the past over and over in his imagination…”
— Maxwell Maltz. Psycho-Cybernetics
Trauma
Okay, but how about if the malfunctioning was caused by a trauma? This is where Adlerian psychology enters the picture, advising focus on ‘present goals,’ not ‘past causes.’ While some debate between habits and goals, at this point, most agree they go hand-in-hand, as goals are the beacons of light for the habits to be formed.
- You can think of goals as design, habits, and systems as code.
Whether you do, the previous goes hand-in-hand with the following from Flow:
“Submission to genetic programming can be quite dangerous because it leaves us helpless. A person who cannot override genetic instructions when necessary is always vulnerable. Instead of deciding how to act in terms of personal goals, he has to surrender to the things that his body has been programmed (or misprogrammed) to do…”
— Flow. P.18
Teleology
Individual Psychology invites us to view things not from the prism of aetiology (the study of causation) but from that of teleology, the doctrine of design and purpose in the world. Also, focus on future-oriented problem-solving by granting yourself permission to deny traumas and recognize they don’t defy you. According to Adler:
“No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences—the so-called trauma—but instead, we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.” — Alfred Adler
- As modern science has shown, humans are not cause-driven but goal-oriented creatures. Meaning, solving present and future problems is in our DNA, whether micro or macro, cosmically.
What You Make Out of It
It is not about what happened but what you make out of it. Adler said:
“The important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes out of that equipment.”
— Alfred Adler
Although such experiences impact you, they don’t define your life direction and story. That is done by the meaning you choose to ascribe to them. So the critical point here is that:
- Good or ‘bad,’ fixating on what you are born with doesn’t change reality, nor does it allow you to move on.
Meaning
Speaking of meaning, Victor Frankl’s Logotherapy recognizes people’s inability to find it here and now as the root cause of ‘existential crisis.’ In a real-life story shared in the book IKIGAI by Francesc Miralles and Hector Garcia, a person was in such a crisis, having difficulty choosing between two jobs.
When they visited their psychoanalyst, they were told to make peace with their father, as both jobs were in politics/diplomacy, ascribed to the paternal archetype. When they went to Frankl, he recognized the issue was elsewhere.
Frankl advised finding a new purpose relevant to their life’s current stage. Or said differently, a new expression of their IKIGAI, Chiah, or ‘Pure Will.’ The person took the second advice. And a year later, they were successful and fulfilled doing something completely different.
- Now, consider Esoteric scholars telling you that in this era, IAO (birth-death-rebirth) happens permanently, and we live multiple lives in one.
Anticipation
When they asked Frankl about a common trait between camp survivors, he explained that while they weren’t what is conventionally defined as ‘though,’ nor did they have a perfect past, they all looked into the future.
They anticipated and had clarity on what they would do when they were free. So, it wasn’t the fixation on past events and unhuman circumstances but the anticipation of a better future.I think something similar is depicted in Roberto Benini’s movie Life is Beautiful.
Moving into the Future
In their best-selling, The Courage to Be Disliked, Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga emphasize that:
“If you end up staying it ‘aetiology,’ you’ll be bound to the past and never be able to find happiness…”
—The Courage to Be Disliked P. 20
And as I like to say:
“The only retrospection you need is to realize that in all your past moments of greatness, you actually looked into the future…”
— POTB
Tim Ferris is known to book trips and vacations years earlier. This allows him to extract maximum anticipation, looking into the future. Csikszentmihalyi explains that rather than adopting those imposed from society you should learn to create your own rewards. Using Ferris’ approach you can map the exact future dates you’ll actually get them.
Given that, it is crucial to have things you anticipate in the distant and near future. This includes:
- The next year or two;
- The next months;
- This week and even
- Today and tomorrow;
Stoicism
A lot of this goes hand in hand with some of the Stoic principles dominating self-help today. Rather than fixating on their issues and letting them spread their influence, affecting other aspects of their lives, the Stoics didn’t obsess over them, especially those that belonged to the past. They moved on by focusing on the present moment. So their future could be better.
A Matter of Choice
What conventional wisdom calls (somewhat fixed) characters (or personality types) Adlerian psychology regards as lifestyles and identities people choose for themselves. A lifestyle is one’s tendencies of thought and action. In a narrow sense, this maps to a personality; in a broader, it includes one’s life view. Hence, it can be changed.
Lifestyles
Lifestyles aren’t something people are born with, but one they pick for themselves through conscious thought, although sometimes that’s malfunctioning. Also, through conscious thought, lifestyles can be rechosen as long as you are ready to take responsibility. As Adler says:
“No matter what has occurred in your life up until this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on…”
— Alfred Adler
Melting Metals
Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga state that:
“The past doesn’t exist…’
— The Courage to Be Disliked
According to Epictetus:
“Men are not afraid of things, but how they view them…”
— Epictetus
According to Wayne Dyer:
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change…”
— Wayne Dyer
I think this is one of the meanings of alchemists’ phrase: ‘melting metals.’ The ‘metals’ are your hard-wired notions, some of which frighten you. Through certain techniques, you reach states where these become (optional) and malleable to change. Then you give them a different ‘meaning’, essentially reshaping the metals into something different. Let me know if you agree.
Your parents, country of birth, or childhood circumstances had their influence. On the contrary, these are all things you cannot change. Recall the Stoics making the most of the now by focusing on what they can change.
- Also, appreciate the fact that while previously everything was ‘local’ and people were bound to their environments, now this is not the case. Thanks to the Internet and the English language.
Encouragement
Adler views courage as the ultimate tool for initiating change; its lack is the underlying cause of why people stay stuck in the past. The past is the known, associated with some certainty and comfort. Besides the potential for success, any change holds the possibility of failure, such as humiliation and criticism (which are beyond the scope of this post).
The courageous embrace changes. Yet this shouldn’t discourage the others. Accepting themselves is the first step toward change, which is actually called ‘encouragement.’
Similar to confidence and any skill, courage is not predetermined or something you are (necessarily) born with. It is one you can build. However, it’s essential to distinct confidence from courage.
- Confidence is assurance, certainty, and security;
- Courage is doing things despite fears and insecurities;
As we know from Tim Ferris’s Tribe of Mentors:
“When you operate out of courage, you say that no matter how you feel about yourself, your opportunities, or the outcome, you are going to take a risk and take a step toward what you want. You are not waiting for the confidence to mysteriously arrive.” — Tribe of Mentors
Building Courage
This can include:
- Going to the gym when knowing you’ll be the fattest person;
- Approaching a much more attractive girl/guy despite feeling shy;
- Or recording a YouTube video despite an utter lack of confidence and charisma.
Encouragement begins when you start giving yourself credit for doing such things, as they are small wins regardless of outcomes. This is how you get comfortable feeling uncomfortable.
Negative Feedback Data
Experiences of error (or failure) get stored in the unconscious. While they don’t inhibit, often, they can contribute to one’s learning and future success. There are three steps to making the most out of such experiences:
- Perceive them as ‘negative feedback data.’
- Use them to make proper corrections;
- Forget them after accomplishing the previous two;
Equally essential, these allow moving the needle toward optimal human experience. When (eventually) made, progress is remembered. So, no matter how ‘small’ or ‘big,’ this creates momentum, moving you toward a desired future.
- Such an approach turns past humiliations and unpleasant experiences into stepping stones to serve a purpose and be forgotten, small and big successes — into building blocks of a new reality and self.
Acting As If
A key to overcoming this stage is using conscious thought to act as if you have the best circumstances and abilities—or even better — as if you merely didn’t have any troubles, concerns, or past failures.
According to FMH Myers, the purgation of past memories of failure during the hypnotic state enables people to operate at total capacity. According to Maltz, similar results can be achieved through conscious thought, deliberate actions, and new habits.
Indifference and Rejection
Invented by Bernard Russell, another method is becoming indifferent to your deficiencies and shifting the focus of attention. Kinda like when overcoming a panic attack. In his book The Conquest of Happiness, Russell shares that:
“It is quite possible to overcome infantile suggestions (…) and even change the contents of the unconscious by employing the right kind of technique. Whenever you (…) feel remorse for an act which your reason tells you is not wicked, examine the causes of your feeling of remorse and convince yourself in detail of their absurdity. — Bertrand Russell. The Conquest of Happiness
Let your conscious beliefs be so vivid that they make an impression on your unconscious strong enough to cope with the impressions made by your nurse or your mother when you were an infant (…). — Bertrand Russell. The Conquest of Happiness
“Look into the irrationality closely with a determination not to respect it and not to let it dominate you. (…) Whenever it thrusts foolish thoughts or feelings into the conscious, pull them up by their roots, examine them and reject them…” — Bertrand Russell. The Conquest of Happiness
A mighty way to determine such notions’ validity is to ask yourself several questions:
- Is there a rationale for them?
- Aren’t my beliefs (actually) wrong?
- Would I feel the same about another person in an identical situation(s)?
- Why proceed acting and thinking as if these are true if they are not?
The Power of Anger
The more emotion you can invest in wrestling with such questions, the better. Eventually, you might get angry at spending so much time being drained and limited by untruths forming your lifestyle.
People often have negative connotations with anger. Yet, correctly mobilized, anger moves mountains rapidly. Adler changed after getting fed up with his notions of being a poor math student, mainly instilled by his math teacher. Like many others, he found anger is a secret weapon for changing habits. For instance:
- I quit drugs and booze due to developing utter intolerance to the person I was.
- I got into fitness because I got fed up with being as physically attractive as the females who attracted me. Yet I became addicted to it due to different reasons.
Reason is not Enough
We covered that logic and rational thinking are our devices for combating entropy and controlling the unconscious. It is vital not to mistake this for mindless willpower exertion. To actually work contributing to lasting changes, rational thought must be coupled with burning desire. This is done by:
- Obtain clarity of what you want and who you want to become.
- Take time to contemplate;
- Write it down on a piece of paper, which you revisit daily.
You can also create what they call anti-vision to go alongside that. Or to name exactly what you don’t want so you can get even more clarity, by looking at it as a cenotaph from the past.
The more you dwell on your desired future, the more powerful positive emotions you experience, slowly but surely replacing those holding you back. The more emotion and desire you generate, the more power your logic and reasoning will have when canceling or accepting feelings and emotions. Also, the more empowered your new ideas will be.
Qabalistic Psyschology:
Netzach and Hod
Apparently, this is (also) supported by Qabalistic psychology. Hod, the sphere of intellect, logic, and rational thinking functions appropriately only when fueled or charged by Netzach, which holds desires and emotions.
Properly fueled, Hod can control and re-direct the Nephesh or Animal Soul, which is in Yesod, i.e., one’s unconscious. On the other hand, no passion and desire can lead to delusions about willpower eventually burning out, which is beyond the scope of this video.
Chessed and Geburah
Now, Netzach is emanated by Geburah, associated with anger, aggression, radical changes, rapid action and cutting, all of which no longer serve their purpose or had never served one in the first place. Maltz associates one’s ‘supreme good’ with expansive emotions.
Hod is emanated by Chessed, the sphere of expansion, growth, and idea generation, creative imagination, or our creative engine, as Dion Fortune calls it, helping one create fresh ideas and move into the future. But that’s just my opinion. Let me know if you agree. Subscribe to my channels. Check my products and books. And Thank you for your Time!
