Jen Jedi (Poem) Self Analysis

Although I started writing and making Youtube videos, deep within me, there has always been stuff I wanted to say but really didn’t know how. What I’m referring to isn’t just research-based information and personal experience, but raw emotions which to be presented in their purest form demand a very different format. While I’m still not sure about the latter, trying to fit them into an article or even essay never made sense to me. Very unpleasant, the inability of expressing those feelings was something I often viewed a distraction and not once tried to ignore. Recently however much of that changed. Or at least it did for a moment.

Influenced by personal development and SWTOR bestsellers, such as by some aspects of the occult, one day I felt into an in-depth analysis of my own life story. While that (close to) meditative state was by no means new to me, this time something different happened — My mind accidentally formulated a handful of rhymes. Although at first, I didn’t take them seriously, they continued appearing into my head (daily), and that made me reconsider my initial reaction. Calling me to start paying more attention, I finally did and carefully examined each of them. Through the same process, I realized that albeit very metaphorically they perfectly depict some of the emotions, I told you about.

No, I didn’t and still don’t have any plans to start rhyming, but my higher-self suggested that not allowing my mind’s creation to see the world will burn me from the inside and eventually lead to a painful regret. Due to that, I decided to ignore my shyness, bite the bullet and let those words live life on their own. After all, they were asking for that since quite a while.

Already determined to publish, at that point I still had doubts about the format. Then I thought of all of the enlightened individuals, in I who find not just inspiration, but also encouragement. DOA, many of them have written and still write poetry along with their other crafts. That made publishing my first poem the most obvious and natural thing.
While some of the rhymes are reasonably self-explanatory and don’t need any justification, I decided to explain a few others in this accompanying essay.

That way even those not familiar with all of the mentioned in the lines stuff will be able to comprehend their meaning and metaphors fully. Plus that I believe that making myself that vulnerable by exposing a quote-unquote hidden aspect of Me will be very therapeutic and beneficial to myself and growth. Having that said, let’s begin with the first line.

“So strong in the force, I feel like a Jen Jedi.
All I ever wanted was to kill my-own Senpai.”

If familiar with SWTOR, then you already know it associates the sith and the darkness with the power of the individual.

“The dark side is about survival. It’s about unleashing your inner power. It glorifies the strength of the individual” (Darth Zannah).

When most powerful the sith essentially operate under the “rule of two.” Invented by Darth Bane, the same boils down to two individuals (master and apprentice). While the master is the sole sith lord, when ready, the apprentice takes his place, by also taking his life.

But then why not merely a “sith” or even “rogue,” “dark” or “fallen,” Jedi? And what the term Jen means?

Expecting that question, I believe nothing answers it better than the following. While everybody knows what the sith are, the other three words mostly describe people who, although force sensitive, never manage to suppress their fear. Usually existing to serve as mercenaries of the real sith lords, Asajj Ventress is the best example of that. The Jen’Jidai, on the other hand, is an utterly different beast. So let me tell you where the term originates.

An inventor of Sith alchemy and killer of 1000 Jedi, Adjunta Paul, was the leader of the so-called Jen’Jidai. Despite only 13, those original dark Jedi were capable of doing massive damage to the entire Jedi order. — And previously were its most talented and promising members. After overtaking the sith purebloods as both (species and planet), they became the first dark lords.

No, I’m not a lore specialist, but I think its safe to say that the sith lords own the rogue Jedi’s lives and use the same to do their dirtiest work. A Jen Jedi/Jidai, however, are ones who the sith lords only heard of, admire and want to study. Due to that many of them spend a lifetime searching for those people’s Holocrons.

While I’m fascinated with Bane’s and Palpatine’s stories, this rhyme is highly influenced by the one of Freedon Nadd. — An ancient dark Jedi who in his conquest to personal growth killed both: one of the best masters in the Jedi Academy (where he was a student) and the legendary Naga Sadow under who he studied later.

Besides those things, I used the term because to me the whole the phrase sounds so much better. Like it has its unimpeded flow of energy. Now let’s leave SWTOR for a moment and continue with the second part of the line.

They say the teacher appears when the student is ready. As we all know, however, nothing stays the same the universe. Due to that, I’m a firm believer of the two following things. (A) Tomorrow’s masters are today’s most diligent students. (B) Out mastering or metaphorically speaking killing the master is the (secret) dream, goal and even duty of any pure-hearted and devoted to the craft student.

In other words, reaching a point of understanding, experience, and skill level at which perceiving that person as master no longer makes any sense. One at which the student is fully capable of teaching the teacher a lesson. By doing so, she kills him as such within her self. Then their paths split, and that brings us back to the rule of two and FreedonNadd who (IMO) perfectly embodies it. Now let’s move to the next line.

“I burned the academy, cause I never fuc*ed with school life.
Sexual Transmutation, so NoFap, No Hentai.”

Besides continuing with the now on her journey to something bigger former Jedi, that line unveils some stuff about my past and personality. Although I adore learning and studying, I’ve always been and will be a single learner. Everything I know how to do I figured on my own. And despite the fact, I changed six I despise school from the very moment (I stepped in it).

How much? Well let’s say that: Although difficult, noticing the traces of the (made by me) words “Fuck the school” (on my left forearm) is still possible, after 17 years. Due to those things, before living it, I might as well burn the academy. Now the second part of the line.

While the ancient practice of sexual transmutation, has been around forever as former sex and porn, (including hentai) addict, I dare saying that mastering the same was a lot easier in the past. In namely during all of those ages when people weren’t permanently exposed to porn, rap/pop videos and other similar things. Due to that, I believe NoFap is the same practice’ humble beginning for all modern-day women and men. By mentioning it into this poem, I pay homage to the whole movement and celebrate my 5+ years of doing it.

“To my peer

Your parents warned you, you should never, ever hang with me.
Your girl staring at Me like she has e a crush on Me.
You really want to be like me, but I’m about to you crush G.
You might see Me here.
But my shadow moves in secrecy.
You call it a conspiracy. But it is just part of my Grand Design.
I kept myself prepared since 1999.
I’ve been plotting, and I’ve been scheming before the fuc*ing 89.
Darkness and light are always deeply intertwined.
Until the end of time.”

Rather than being a metaphor, the first few sentences are quite literal and self-explanatory. Depicting a classic, real-life scenario in them, I speak to a composite character of multiple people. Talking to the same, I ensure him that what he sees is just a fraction of the whole — the tip of the iceberg. Trying to imitate, he reacts to the very few, comprehensible to him bits of information. In other words to only what I allow him to see.

However, my integrated shadow moves in secrecy, and it’s all going according to the plan. Suspecting that, to him, it all seems like a conspiracy, but that’s part of my Grand Design. — Me doing my true will, which is becoming my best version so that I could produce my best work. The two years mean that not just my past but also my own birth are mere stages of that very plan.

Side note: Although, that’s the backbone idea of today’s self-help movement and albeit I’m not a Thelemite I sincerely believe that the same motto is hugely influenced by the one of Thelema. — Do What Thou Wilt.

“Darkness and Light are always deeply intertwined.
Until the end of time.”

Fairly self-explanatory that means, you can’t have one without the other. And this is how it has always been and will be until the end of time. The left and the right pillars on the Qabalistic tree of life. It also symbolizes the moment when a regular Jedi realizes that there actually is another side of the force. Or another pillar. And then she begins messing with it.

“To the authority figure.

You hate me, but I hate you since fuckin fourth grade.
I grew up and became a dark knight on a dark crusade.
I’m about to make you cut your wrist with a razor blade.
Yes, your trophy wife’s fuc*ing me but I never ejaculate.”

Here I talk to another composite character. Differently, from the previous one, this one is quite older and much more complex. On the one hand, the same represents the authoritarian paternal figure. And on the other the very dominant middle to late age male.

“I’m by Myself I don’t fu*k with no features.
And I don’t plan to stop until the de*th of my teachers.
Make them have some nightmares with some horrible creatures.
Destroying their souls with spells from my magickal liber.”

While the last directly correlates to the idea of killing the master, the first tells about my decision to always do everything on my own. Merely saying the following is probably the best way of explaining it.

“They say the teamwork, makes the dream work, but that’s no longer my own dream.” Peteonthebeat

Inspired by the Drew Karpyshin’s best selling trilogy Darth Bane and especially by its final battle. In namely when, before killing him Zannah makes Bane hallucinating, that line merely depicts the moment of execution of the former sensei.

“Incredible feats is what I usually perform.
I’m coming for your life, with a motherf*cking lighting storm.
My spirit grows out of my body, and I never fit the norm.
You may see me in this, or you may see me in my other forms.”

Doing if not miracles, then at least seemingly impossible things is part of any force wilder daily routine. In the context of an (original) dark Jedi, however, that undoubtedly includes force lighting.

Particularly influenced by the concept of energetic evolution,
the third line about cultivating and growing my spiritual body outside physical one. And about becoming something greater instead of fitting into the quote-unquote conventional norms.

“Finishing Lines

These rhymes are ancient alchemy.
Nothing’s really stopping Me.
The Devine gave me authority, and I’m crushing your authority.
Four letters POTB, incredibly powerful potency.
Cheating the Dead and Ripping off your head.
And then I feel Free like Freedon-Nadd.”

What that means is that the whole poem is nothing, but the result of me transmuting or alchemizing my emotions into rhymes: A process which elevates me to higher states and I become one with the described in the book called “Kybalion” as “The All.” — The same which some call “GOD” or others like Napoleon Hill refers to as an “Infinite Intelligence.” Moving as a full of Divine energy unit, I crush the created by fear-based religions and our society authority figures. After ripping their heads off, I feel free like Freedon-Nadd.

Recap And Final Words
By going into a full circle (within the entire poem), the last few rhymes also create a perfect symmetry. So let me tell you how that happens.

I started with the “Jen Jedi,” and the growing inside her, power of the individual. I moved to the “Dark Knight,” at the middle, finally finished with Nadd, whose character looks like a mixture of a dark paladin and a magician.

Equally important, to that Nadd also figured out many things on his own. Partially a single learner and differently than the traditional sith lords, he didn’t get himself an apprentice, nor found a worthy of his insanely powerful abilities successor. Free of both the Jedi and Sith orders. Instead, he single-handedly ruled an entire planet and created all sorts of armies and weapons.

He managed to cheat the D* as well continued to rule as a force spirit. I also like the detail he created and put on his head a made of Onderionion Metal — A true symbol of the Self Made Person. And faith he’d never live, if it wasn’t for his decision to leave the Academy on Osis. Where he btw was the most talented and hard-working student. An individual more powerful than the authorities, his peers and even than the masters.

While you may or may not enjoyed, and poem and essay, one thing is certain, you most likely learned something about the SW universe. Through both of them, I pay huge homage to the SWTOR comic books and novels and their authors. The same helped me tremendously through long periods of terrible anxiety.

Thanks To Them And Thank You For Your Time